It’s been a while~
I was in bed talking to my husband the other night. We were talking about our open relationship dynamics and the last year of regrouping since our big break up with the couple we were seeing for almost a year. I was sad. Very sad. And I said to him,”When am I ever going to get over this?” His reply was like a cup of cold water in my face;
“I guess when you make up your mind to be over it.”
Ugh~ and in that moment I realized that he is right. I do have a choice. I have been choosing to be sad and mourn the loss of friends that were more than friends to me, I felt like they were becoming family. I have retreated deep into my mild side. Almost to the point of hurting our relationship.
We went on a date the other night with a great couple we have been seeing. We decided to go to the club that we haven’t been to since May of last year. I was nervous and felt like I was on pins and needles. When I am steeped in mild, it is hard for me to go out and take risks, like going to this type of club. We ended up having a great time with the other couple and many of my fears were alleviated.
Now one of my nearest and dearest has presented the next step to reawakening my WILD Alphasiren. She wants me to take her to the sex club just the two of us so she can experience what it is like. Now I have been avoiding her request for a while. Nervous, timid, and shy mild is not a girl that goes to the sex club solo. In the past I have been the instigator in this, taking my friends out to places where they are pushing up against their edges, hard. So, this is a very interesting place to be.
Thankfully my St/Vk husband is supportive of me. Seriously, he is such a Rock Star man. Well, truly he wants my internal pendulum to swing back closer to WILD. He benefits greatly when I am more balanced and adventurous.
So. I am pushing my self out of my cave. Life is too short and I want to be ready to adventure out again. My heart feels guarded. Big time guarded. I desperately do not want to be hurt again. I have a hard time separating sex and feelings and honestly, I don’t want to separate them. I am a lover. I am tender. But I am strong and resilient.
Time to dust off those red high heels~